that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
