my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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