We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
