It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize