Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
