am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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