I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize