i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
