And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
