you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
