Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
