Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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