your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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