this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize