the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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