I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
