you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
