I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
