i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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