I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
