If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
