oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize