my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
