i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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