its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
