Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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