I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dignity is for republicans.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
