Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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