he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
