She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
