Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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