He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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