yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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