You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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