addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
