school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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