tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
