Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
