Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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