Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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