It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
