Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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