You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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