Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
