stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
