OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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