planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
