Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize