why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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