how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
