i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
