I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
