Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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