I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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