she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
