his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
