We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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