Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do vagina's smell?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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