I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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