I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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