you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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