Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
