Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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