There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
