On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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