yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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