I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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