i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize