If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
