Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
