if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
