Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
