We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
