Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
