i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The Olympian is in my bed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
