After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize