god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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